My name is Corey Badgerow, also known as 'The Beanpole'. I'm from Canada and I live in Kingston, Ontario. From as far back as I can remember I've always had an addictive personality. I often spent too much time behind a computer or playing video games. I had an intense sweet tooth, and I was always chasing whatever it was that would provide me with instant gratification. Growing up, I was often bullied and picked on for numerous amounts of the reasons. I adapted a sour attitude as of result of being bullied and picked on and soon enough I was given the “outcast” title before I even left high school. I'm an addict all exclusive, but drugs was always the problem that people noticed first. Using drugs became normal for me, I was in deep denial about just how destructive my problems with drugs were.
I've been clean since March 02nd, 2019. I started this blog in November 2018. I knew that our world needs to hear more about recovery and the disease of addiction so I decided to write about my life and my recovery adventures. The thing about recovery, is that every good thing I have in my life today is the result of my continued recovery.
I was using drugs on an abnormal level and I was doing whatever it would take to get my next fix. I associated myself with a peer group who used as much as I did. I used everyday for an extensive amount of time until I would take a break but that usually didn't happen until I found myself getting arrested or something along the lines of that. I used before any social encounters because I was too scared to be around people people. I used drugs because I thought that was how I was suppose to have fun. Because of my addiction, I found myself in and out of jail mostly because of shoplifting. I made being a drug addict a career. I had a routine that consisted of marketing and networking with other addicts/dealers, shoplifting rituals, and other various things. All I ever did was talk about drugs, do drugs, or figure out ways that I could get more drugs.
The hidden truth is that I was suicidal. I spent everyday feeling as though I was trapped beneath a dark stormy cloud of doom and I was impatiently waiting for the sun to shine its' sunlight through those dark stormy clouds of doom. I didn’t know how I was going to manage getting through the day without breaking down let alone make it through the rest of my life. My feelings of loneliness and despair only kept growing. I was slowly dying on the inside; it wasn’t the drugs that were killing me, it was all the lies that I was telling myself. I had to lie to myself as it was the only way I could deal with the fear inside of me.
Currently, I am working on completing the 12 steps within the Narcotics Anonymous program. I'm going to college in September for Computer Networking & Technical Support and my goal is to start my own small business in the field of IT Support and Digital Marketing. I'm actively working on other projects as well. I continue to document my story in both active addiction and a life in recovery promising to be as real, honest and as authentic as I know how too.